The Gathering
by The Dark Crystals
Summary: Our favorite characters of Dragonlance are trapped in a room in the afterlife and have to consult their feelings to each other to be let out. Can they do it? But madness soon insues...... *Chapter 4 up*
1. Episode 1

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The Gathering

The Dark Crystals

Disclaimer: I own none of these character. They all belong to TSR.

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Episode 1

"Why the hell are we stuck here, together?" Tanis asked not to happy to be interrupted from his back massage.

"Well, I think Fizban said we need to work out all our problems and not allowed to leave until we can work them out!" Tas looked up to the half-elf.

"Ok, I forgive you all, now we can leave" Kitiara waved her hand standing up from one of the seats that stood in the room.

"What do we have to be sorry about, it was you, who killed Sturm!" Laurana glared at the curly darked haired woman.

"That was an accident, he got in the way. Now he is rejoined with his friends in the afterlife, what could be so bad about that? Any way I not a man stealer..."

"What?! You prostitute, he was mine before he was even yours isn't that right Tanis?!!!" Laurana does not wait for Tanis to answer before continuing. "I'm not the one who sleeps with a man who you bore a son with and then later on kills HIM!!!"

"I'm so abused" Sturm cries into his hands.

"Suck it up dad" Steel says in disgust.

"Glad I don't have a dysfunctional family" Caramon shakes his head.

"Yes you do my brother, you have me and don't forget that Steel is your nephew" Raistlin can't believe that his brother is still dumb.

"How come still in the afterlife, my chest still hurts?" Dalamar questions everyone.

"Where does it hurt?" inquires Goldmoon actually quite concerned for the cute little elf.

"Right here" Dalamar rips open his robes to show his chest. (like he always does in the books).

"Thats the reason why I slept with him baby!" Kitiara smiles and gives a loud whistle.

Sturm is sobbing being patted on the back by Flint. "It still hurts ya dumb elf cause Raistlin's a nitwit"

"That's so cool Dalamar, do you think I can get a tattoo like that?" says Tas admiring the finger holes in his chest.

"I'll give you one if you don't shut up soon!" shouts Raistlin about to pounce on the kender. 

"Never mind my statement before, the kender's a nitwit" Flint states.

"I died with no magic in the world!!!!" Palin has now started to freak out.

"You obviously have not read the other books after Dragons of Summer Flames have you?" Steel says this very well, remembering all details very well, because this is when our handsome youth has died.

"No......" Palin has now started to calm down.

"I wonder where he gets his stupidity from?" snickers Raistlin.

"Hey! Thats not fair,............. its Tika's side of the family.....-_-" Caramon ducked quickly to not be hit with a frying pan coming at him.

"WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU!!!" Tika yells at the top of her lungs. "The only reason I stayed with you is because your good in bed. Maybe I should have married your BROTHER?!"

"Damn, it makes perfect sense, Tika could have stopped Raistlin from going into the portal and still would not be a virgin today" Tanis pushed his hair back off of his face.

"Tanis half-elven, I warn you if you ever say that again....I'LL.....I'LL" Raistlin fumbled for the right words.

"Tika, where did you get the frying pan from?" Tas asked.

"I don't know, I'll of a sudden it just appeared in my hands....." Tika said dumbfounded. 

"I just imagined it, and it appeared....."

Kitiara gave her famous wry smile, before a sword appeared in her hands. "Now, all will obey me in this room!!! mwhahahahahahahah................................boy that sounded cheesy but any way, mwhahahahahahahahaha"

Narrator: _What will our heroes do? Will they be able to stop Kitiara's madness? Stay tuned for the next episode._


	2. Episode 2

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The Gathering

The Dark Crystals

Author's Notes: Hey! Back again and ready for the next chapter! Thanks for all the support and people that wanted it to continue. It really brought me back to continuing the story! Thanks!!

Disclaimer: I own none of these character. They all belong to TSR.

****

Episode 2

Narrator of the stories is speaking: _Last time on The Gathering, our heroes were stuck in a room to deal with their emotional problems. Arguments arose and the room's participants were in a heated quarrel. Objects appeared out of sheer thought….Now Kitiara holds a sword in her hands planning to dominate all the inhabitants of the room. We return to our heroes……_

Reorx: Hey! Just wait one darn minute!!

*Narrator has been handed a slip of paper*****

Narrator starts again: _Ahem! During our heroes peril, the gods of Krynn were holding a council to judge if Paladine had made the right decision of locking the band in a tightly *secured* room…_

Reorx: That's better

__

________________________________________________________________________

"Will you stop arguing you two!!! For the past millenniums I had to put up with this nonsense!" Gilean shook his head.

"He started it" Takhisis huffed.

"Oh yes sister, I'm the evil one, the lord of darkness" Paladine rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious, you really need a dress consultant Reorx, plads and stripes just don't mix well together" Chislev tried to convince Reorx.

"My taste in clothing is fashionable! Least it's not as bad as Morgion's!" Reorx snapped back.

"Decaying flesh is always in style" Morgion retorted.

"Hey man, lets find some hot chicks" Nuitari said out of no where.

"Yeah dude" Solinari and Nuitari were falling over each other.

" Oh great, Nuitari and Solinari have been getting high on magic dust again!" Lunitari shook her head.

"Mommy, my nail broke" Zeboim started to cry.

"The ill fate of that happening…." Kiri-Jolith yawned.

"How dare you make fun of my daughter!! Beauty is priceless!!" Takhisis roared

"Dude, your getting a Dell" came Solinari

"Now my youngest son has turned into an idiot" Paladine murmured.

"All is not lost dear, at least not all our children are idiots" Mishakal patted Paladine's leg, looking towards Nuitari and Zeboim.

"Maybe if I sing it will lighten the mood"

"NO!" everyone shouted at Branchala

"Sorry" Habbakuk clapped Branchala's back.

"Your singing could wake up the dead" Sargonnas snorted.

"Present" Chemosh raised his hand.

Zivilyn in the meantime with the help of his consort Chislev ,was trying to show that if Reorx dressed better in different fashions how his future might turn out. "I ain't changing my style!" Reorx bellowed out.

"You never know unless you try" Zivilyn shrugged. He could care less what Reorx wore but Chislev was pushing the matter.

"Yuck! And a feather cap! You have got to be kidding me!"

"Least I don't go allnatural Chislev!"

"How dare you! You puny little dwarf!"

"Well at least he doesn't wear a goat helmet" Zivilyn pointed to Chemosh.

"Who dare makes fun of the goat helmet?!" Chemosh stood up.

"HIM!" everyone pointed to Zivilyn.

"Traitors, all of you are traitors!"

"What did you expect Zivilyn" Hiddukel smiled.

"Why do you wear that helmet?" Majere set aside the book he was reading, 'How I Survived with My Brother and Sister Through the Ages' by Gilean.

Chemosh took off his helmet revealing a very handsome young man with black hair and blue eyes. "Would you believe me if I said I was the Lord of Death looking like this?!"

"Your priestesses would grow in many numbers" Gilean nodded.

"No" Shinare stared at Chemosh, answering his question.

"Stop looking at him like that!" Sirrion yelled.

"See what I mean!" Chemosh snapped back on the goat helmet.

"I blew up my laboratory because I got high! I blew up my laboratory because I got high! Because I got high! Because I got high! Because I got high!" Nuitari busted out singing.

"Never mind by statement before. My son is worse at singing." Sargonnas banged his head against the wall.

"See what I mean love" Mishakal looked towards her husband.

"Are you telling me that my children are pathetic?" Takhisis snarled.

"Basically"

"HOW DARE YOU! SURE WE MAY BE EVIL, BUT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MAKE FUN OF MY FAMILY!!!" Takhisis slaps Mishakal in the face.

"Take that!" Mishakal slapped Takhisis back.

"Why I out to.." Takhisis slapped Mishakal right in the face again. Soon the two women were slapping each other silly. "GAH!" Takhisis took Mishakal to the ground, pounding her head onto floor. Mishakal rolled them both over and started to pound Takhisis's head onto the floor. The two goddesses were biting, and ripping clothing off each other, rolling on the ground.

Sargonnas and Paladine looked towards each other, and shrugged, while the other gods were cheering them on.

________________________________________________________________________

"Wow, they're worse than us" Kitiara stated looking at the television screen that showed the catfight between Mishakal and Takhisis. Raistlin nodded in agreement.

"I'm lovin it" Tanis shoved pop-corn in his face. They all sat near the television set watching the fight continue.

Narrator:_Now we return to our heroes….._

No response, they are all watching the television

Narrator**: _Now we return to our heroes!_**

They jump and the pop-corn falls onto the ground. "Umm, yeah where were we?" 

"You were threatening us with your sword" Tas smiled.

"Thanks" Kit said taking out her sword.

"Thanks a lot Tas" everyone growled at the kender.

"Ahem, hold on let me catch my breath……..ok, I'm ready. Mwhahahahahahah" Kitiara plunges the sword into the television.

"No! My flat screen TV!" yells Sturm. "It was my reward for saving the High Clerist's Tower!"

"Any one who disobeys me will end up like this television!"

"Not able to get cable anymore?"

"No you stupid kender, like this!" Kitiara slashes the television, completely destroying it.

"Make it stop! Make it stop!" cried Sturm watching his flat screen TV become nothing but scrap metal.

"You destroyed his career, life, even love life….now you destroy his flat screen TV. Have you no respect!!" Laurana shouted.

"Umm" Kitiara scratches her head. "No"

"Such a same.." Goldmoon sighed.

"For that recent outburst Laurana…you shall die first!" Kitiara charges at Laurana with her sword. The elf maiden moves out of the way, and a sudden darkness overcomes.

"Great Kit! You stabbed the camera!" Tanis yells.

"Then she shouldn't have moved" Kitiara responds.

"WHAT?! And DIE?!" Laurana sounds very angry.

"What do we do now?" Steel asks.

"We have to repair the camera for the show to go on" Raistlin answered. "I'll fix it"

"In the mean time I say we call for a stripper!"

"DALAMAR!!!!"

To Be Continued


	3. Episode 3

****

The Gathering

The Dark Crystals

Disclaimer: I own none of these character. They all belong to TSR.

****

Author Notes: I like to thank everyone that reviewed. That is what keeps this fic going! 

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Episode 3

Narrator: _Due to technical difficulties we were unable to broadcast the rest of Episode 2 and were forced to leave our heroes once again. This problem has been fixed and Episode 3 will now play…_

~ Caramon and Raistlin are sitting in the High Tower of Sorcery, over looking Shoikan Grove

Caramon: What are we going to do tonight Raist?

Raistlin: Same thing we do every night Caramon, try to become a God!

Chorus: They're Caramon, They're Caramon and Raist, Raist, Rai-

****

Sorry, wrong program!

"Is this thing on?" Kitiara tapped the camera.

"Yep! Raistlin fixed it" Tas smiled.

"Uncle, that was fascinating! Truly remarkable!" Palin bowed down and started to worship the mighty Raistlin.

"Our son has been brainwashed by your brother" Tika whispered to her husband.

"Caramon, tea, now!"

"Sure thing Raist!" Caramon rushed off to fetch tea for his brother.

"What have I done to deserve this?" Tika promptly smacked her forehead.

"It had digital cable, a VHS, and DVD system" Sturm still crying about the destruction of his flat screen TV.

"HEY! Let's get down to business here!"

"Where's Riverwind?" asked Tanis ignoring Kit.

"He's been sleeping on the couch the whole time" Goldmoon pointed to the Plainsman.

"Lucky b*stard" mumbled Flint.

"I say we start a revolution to free our selves of this tyranny and oppression!! WHO IS WITH ME?!!!" Laurana shouted, stand on a chair, trying to rally the troops.

" Laurana, honey, please sit down" the half-elf pleaded with his wife.

"So how long do you think we'll be stuck in here?" Tas was getting bored. (the horror)

__

Camera moves to Steel and Dalamar playing the card game 'WAR'.

"W-A-R, WAR!!!" they both yelled flippin their cards over.

"I lost! Curses you damn elf! And you now have two of my aces!"

"Surprisingly, you had all four aces" Dalamar glared at Steel collecting his cards.

"I'm not my mother. I don't cheat" Steel growled.

"Watch your mouth kid. I brought you into this world and I can take you out" Kitiara smacked her son upside the head. "And after all I have done for you?!"

"Only stating the truth **_mother _**, to what you really are! You're the whore and he's the wimp!" Steel waved his hand in Sturm's direction.

"Wow, Sturm's a pimp?" Tas had now found something interesting. (the horror)

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE THE WOMAN MUST DIE!!" Sturm snarled out. All of a sudden a two handed sword appeared in his hands. "KITIARA!!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!" Sturm ran after the curly haired woman.

"Have you gone insane?!!" Kit said trying to calm the knight down, putting a table in between them. "Put the sword down!! Somebody could get seriously hurt"

"THAT'S THE POINT!!" Sturm hacked the table that Kit was using for cover.

"That's my dad…" Steel wiped the tears that were forming in the corners of his eyes. He was very proud of his father at the moment.

"What am I doing running away from you? I have a sword of my own!!"

"Now you don't" Laurana plucked the swords from Kit's grasp. "I have it!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHOHOHOHOHOHHOHO"

"That was scarier than Raistlin's laugh" Flint shook his head.

"SILENCE! Tanis ,my hubby, meet me in the corner" Laurana winked to the half-elf.

"He shoots and he scores!!!" Tanis preceded to make out with Laurana in the corner of the room. 

"STEEL HELP ME!!!" Kitiara screams still having the mad crazed Sturm chasing after her around the room.

"Sorry. I'm trying to avenge your death" Steel stared at his opponent evenly.

"You shall lose dark knight" Dalamar sneered. "Beat a full house, you fool!"

"Shit, I lost again" Steel sighed revealing he only had a pair of twos. (playing poker now)

"Now is the perfect time dear nephew!! COME, WE LEAVE THIS ROOM AND TRAVEL TO WHERE THE QUEEN OF DARKNESS IS! OUR TIME IS AT HAND NEPHEW! WE SHALL BECOME GODS!" Raistlin opened a portal to god knows where. "And Caramon, bring me my tea!" Raist, Palin, and Caramon holding a cup of tea jumped into the portal. Tas followed unsuspectingly.

________________________________________________________________________

Paladine was sipping on a glass of champagne watching his sister and wife, still fighting. When suddenly Raistlin Majere made his appearance. "Takhisis!! I have come to face you once again!!!" the mage announced.

The Queen of Darkness paid him no heed as she got fruit off the banquet table and started to shove it in Mishakal's face. "You like that, huh?!"

Raistlin blinked a couple of times, not use to being ignored. "Did anyone hear me?"

"What did you say?" Caramon asked.

"Forget it. We'll wait till the catfight is over" Raistlin huffed settling himself into one of the comfortable chairs. Palin and Caramon did the same.

"FIZBAN!!" Tas shouted running up to Paladine. 

The god just smiled seeing the kender and then said, "Are you ready to rock this joint!"

"Yes!" So Paladine and Tas started doing the Electric Slide.

________________________________________________________________________

__

Back in the Room 

"Check mate" Dalamar smiled wickedly beating Steel once again at chess.

"This really sucks!! Your cheating you foul…elf!!" Steel stomped his foot onto the ground acting very childish. 

"Sturm I'm getting tired. Please put down the sword!" Kitiara said out of breath.

"You had this coming for a long while!! I could have married a beautiful elf maiden!!!"

"Zzzz" Riverwind, still asleep.

"Where has that blasted kender gone to this time?" Flint scratched his beard.

Tanis and Laurana are still making out in the corner.

Tika and Goldmoon conjured up another television and started to watch Saturday Night Live.

________________________________________________________________________

"Nuitari, you can't perform any spells in your condition!!" Lunitari scolded her cousin.

"Yeah, *hiccup* ya can't"

"And you too Solinari!!!" Lunitari shook her head.

"I'm finey, I ain't high on nothin" Nuitari falls right down on his face.

"Heheheheheheh" Solinari had started to crack up.

"Shut up!" Nuitari got up from the floor. "I'll show you" He started to whisper magical incantations and when the spell was over, it seemed as though nothing had happened.

"I love you Cawamon" a small child like voice called out.

Hugging Caramon's side was a chibi Raist.

Narrator: _The powerful Raistlin Majere has been turned into a chibi. How will they get him back to normal? Will Steel ever win one game against Dalamar? And will Paladine and Tas ever stop the Electric Slide? Find out in the next episode of THE GATHERING!!_

__ ****


	4. Episode 4

****

The Gathering

The Dark Crystals

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. 

****

Author Notes: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I haven't updated in a very long time!! Sorry!!! I've been so busy and now I have time to sit down and actually write. (that and a major major writers block going on here) And I'm also going insane!! 

__

Runs around like a crazy woman and smacks into a brick wall.

Ouch that hurts….that's gonna leave a mark…anyway enough of my babble!!!

_ ****_

A special thanks to all those who have reviewed!

**__**

Episode 4

Narrator: Welcome back to THE GATHERING!!!! On last times show……….. oh just screw it! On with the show already people…….

________________________________________________________________________

Tas: Parental Aggression is advised

Flint: Parental Discretion is advised, you lamed brained kender. And what are you suppose to be?

Tas: The warning for this show.

Flint: Oh boy….

________________________________________________________________________

"I now hold the key to victory…you will at last be defeated you dirty elf" Steel Brightblade smiled.

"You suck. Give it up Brightblade, before you humiliate yourself even more" Dalamar said cooly.

"Never!!!!!" Steel shouted. "I will win!!!!" He flung the horseshoe and missed the target by a long shot.

"You missed"

"Shut up"

"You really do suck"

"Shut up"

"What, are you going to cry like your daddy?"

"no…"

"What was that? I couldn't here you. The ringing bell of the horseshoe hitting the spike is distracting me" Dalamar said with a smug expression on his face.

"I hate you"

"I know, that's what so great about it. Care to challenge me again?"

"I challenge you……." Steel was desperately trying to think up a game he had not played or lost to Dalamar yet. "Challenge you….challenge you…..what haven't we played yet?"

"Twister"

"TWISTER!! I CHALLENGE YOU TO TWISTER!!!" Steel stopped to think about it for a moment. "I'm going to lose again aren't I?"

"Yes"

"Shit" 

________________________________________________________________________

"But Cawamon, I want to take over de world" Chibi Raist said to his _big_ brother.

"My, the wonders" Palin stared at his miniature Uncle.

"Hush Palin I'm trying to think" muttered Caramon. Palin coughed shortly after that statement.

"Silly bwotha, you can't think. I got all the bwains" giggled Raistlin. "Now lets play!!!"

"What do you want to play?" asked Palin.

"Kill a goddess!!!" squealed Raist. "I pick the pretty black haired lady fighting with the other pretty lady"

Caramon and Palin turned to see who he was talking about, dreading that their intuitions maybe correct, and they were. The lady Raist was talking about was Takhisis. "Oh great" they both groaned. 

"Could you suggest a different game Raist?" questioned Caramon.

"How about I'm rula of de world!!" said Raistlin with a certain gleam in his eyes.

"How about, no" 

"Oh come on Palin, it couldn't hurt" Caramon smiled to his son.

Palin stared incredulously at his father for a few seconds. "Are you kidding me?"

"No" 

"Cawamon is so nice, and you awe so mean Palin!!!" Raistlin started to cry.

"Now look what you did Palin!!!" Caramon scooped up Chibi Raist trying to settle him down.

"I didn't do anything, your putting thoughts into his head!!" Palin covered his ears because now Raist was crying even louder. "Someone stop the pain in my ears!!"

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WARNING: Tas and Paladine stopped doing the Electric Slide and are now doing the Macarena!!!

________________________________________________________________________

"Is that a gnome I see?" Habbakuk asked his brother Kiri-Jolith. 

"I believe it is" answered Kiri-Jolith. "But how did a gnome get here?"

"I wouldn't be worried about the gnome but what's in his hands!!!" Branchala pointed out.

"Seems like….." whispered off Shinare.

"NO THE HORROR!!!!!" bellowed out Reorx "A NEW INVENTION!!"

"THE PLACE ITS GONNA EXPLODE!!!" shouted someone.

There was much chaos that followed suit, everyone was trying to get out of the place. The only ones left at the meeting place were Takhisis and Mishakal (in which neither one was willing to give up the fight), the three Majeres (who were stuck with a chibi Raist and had no way of getting out of there), the three gods of magic (two which were passed out on the floor and the other shaking her head at the two) and last but not least Tas and Paladine dancing the Macarena. (which the authoress of this fanfic assures you that this is the most horrid of all dances ever created).

Tas stopped doing the Macarena to go over to the gnome. (cuz Tas and gnomes go way back) "Hi!! I'm Tasslehoff Burrfoot. My friends call be Tas, but sometimes really mean people call me by my last name and then they yank my hair telling me I'm not allowed to touch anything-"

"I'm Iatemincemeatlastnightbecausemymothertoldmetoeatitandididnotlikeitatallandtheaut horessofthisfanfictionisjustputtingrandomwordstogethersotheycantakeupspace-" the gnome gulped for breath. "But for short, Iatem"

"What's that you've got in your hands?" asked Tas curiously.

"My new invention" (people you'll be astounded) "A bouncy ball, see it bounces" Iatem dropped the ball to the ground to see it bounce up again.

"Neat!! Hey, do you want to dance with us?"

"Sure"

Narrator: Thus Paladine, Tas, and Iatem started dancing the Macarena. The horror continues, once again……


End file.
